‘The Interview Remembered: A Monologue’, by Suzie (who else?)
I have been interviewing job applicants all freaking day (rolls eyes),
one of which im pretty sure was a pre-op.I was hypnotized by her/his lashes (gestures towards her eyes).I have never seen anyone wear false eyelashes on the bottom eyelids (pauses)
It was insane.
And her hair- bleached within an inch of its life (holds hand up with thumb and pointer finger out, about an inch apart)
It was like a straw/toilet brush hybrid.
Not cute.
And I was like SERIOUSLY transfixed …
(laughs) she made your ex’s current girlfriend look like a delicate flower (laughs again, louder)
She is from LONG ISLANDwhich you know is like NJ and Staten Island had a rich babyand it was Long Island (waves hand in the air dismissively).
But she looks like the Jersey shore threw up on her (grimaces).
I was like, “What are you currently doing?” and she is like, “I’m in the fashion industry”, and I’m like, “In what capacity?” and she goes, “Oh, I work in a boutique.”
Right (takes a sip of coffee and glares up through her eyelashes).
I look down at her resume and see, ‘Current Occupation: Payless teller’. (long pause)
SERIOUSLY, I love a good Payless shoe
but it is NOT a boutique.I’m like OMFG,interviewing these fuckwits…
Yes! (makes a fist with her hand and mimes a cheering gesture in the air)That is why I’m still paying off my student debt and busted my ass for 5 years in school!
Perfect. (takes another sip of coffee and turns back toward computer screen, vigorous typing ensues)
